LA KINGS DIVORCE

To: The Los Angeles Kings
From: A disgruntled fan since 1984
Date: 4-3-09
Re: Potential Seperation

Mr. Anshultz and the rest of the executive board of the Los Angeles Kings,

Since 1984, I have been a fan of the Los Angeles Kings. Yes, I date back to the epic purple and gold uniforms. I spent many a night at the Great Western Forum watching the likes of Lucky Luc, Jimmy Carson, Jimmy Fox, Steve Duchesne, and Bernie Nicholls. I was around long before the Great Dud arrived and the bandwagon fans joined (all of whom now call themeslves Ducks fans). I was there, listening to my radio in the bus on the way to Grad Night at Disneyland when the Kings forced a game seven in Toronto in the Campbell Conference Finals. I watched game seven on pins and needles and still to this day, think it was the greatest game I have ever watched, and I have seen plenty. I smelled the Stanley Cup when we went into Montreal and took game one, only to then be screwed out of a win in game two by very questionable officiating. Hell, from 1987 through 1993, I never missed one game. I caught hell from my old man when I was at Duquesne and told him I was going to watch the Kings play the Pens the night before my O-Chem final.

I've seen players like Luc Robitaille be traded for stiffs like Rick Tochett. I was happy when Lucky came back, only to leave and watched in horror as Kings like Lucky, Blake and others won cups in Detroit and Colorado. I've been pelted with beer in Pittsburgh when Tomas Sandstrom scored in OT to give us the win and I was jumping up and down on my seat and banging on the glass and they skated off the ice.

For a brief moment, in 2000 and 2001 I thought we were back on track. We had Felix Potvin in net and Deadmarsh leading our playoff charge. Sadly, I've not seen the playoffs since then.

What is the point of this long winded message? Well, we have come to a point in our relationship that I cannot continue. We have loads of young talent like Kopitar, Jack "Motherfucking" Johnson as he's been come to be known by fans and J Quick in net. The time is now to make a move. Last I checked, Marian Gaborik and Ilya Kovalchuk are both players that are termed "Free Agents." Yes, I know in the past, we usually let players listed in this catagory move on and watch them perform well elsewhere. However, rather than doing that, we can do a very inovative thing: SIGN THEM. I'll give you a moment for this radical idea to sink in. Yes, we can SIGN one of these two young snipers. Really, we can. Obviously, Kovalchuk is by far the superior player and Gaborik is Ziggy Palffy (with, unfortunately, Ziggy's ability to get hurt half the time as well). Nonetheless, let me put this on the table for you. If, in this off season, we do not sign wither Kovalchuk or Gaborik, I am going to have to evalute my commitment to our, what will by then be obviously, one-sided relationship. It's up to you. I'll just let you know that Sidney Crosby and in my second home of Pittsburgh has been flirting with me. Don't make me cheat or end the relationship. Do it for me, baby.